My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
