Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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