Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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