I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
