I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Randomize
