Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
