If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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