i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
