how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
