you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
