You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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