so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
