if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
