im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
