I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
