when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
