I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
