I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
