Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
