Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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