So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
