He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
