Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
