my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
