i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
