There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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