so explain again why im purple
no
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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