thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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