i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
