Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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