Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
