I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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