oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
