I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
