Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
