I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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