Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how can u be prego again
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
