I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
