Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
