Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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