deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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