I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
