Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
