No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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