Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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