He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
