For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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