girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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