my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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