i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
