His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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