i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
