They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
