i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
