I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you win again, gameday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
