i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
