he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am naked and annoyed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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